…is Being a Surgeon General

We’ve previously discussed the remarkable naturals weapons human children grow quickly in their infancy.

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Logan: Aptly Named

Thankfully, with time, patience, and the steady hand of a head of surgery, there is a solution to this problem.

The question is, what parent has a readily available supply of time, patience, and steadiness?

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Not this guy, that’s for sure, he’s too busy showcasing 17 different brands at once #GoCubsGo

However, between the two of us (and the overwhelming amount of work my wife does for the boys), the task of “surgery” has fallen to me.

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My new Sunday Morning routine

Fathers: nothing you have done or encountered can properly prepare you for the task of cutting your infant children’s fingernails.

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Don’t let that innocent face fool you into complacency

For starters, there is a unique property to infant fingernail clippers – they are SHARP! Unlike the dull clunkers made for adults, each blade of infant clippers is fine enough to turn fingernails into the phyllo dough used to make baklava.

Contrast that with the infant’s fingernails – fine, paper-like white lines that blend in perfectly with their skin, despite being able to slice you like an envelope edge.

Add in the three cups of coffee required to even be cognizant at 8:15 AM after a night of bottle-fussiness, and you’ll WISH you’d spent 8 years in school preparing for this moment.

Now imagine having twins.

I can’t complain too much right now, because thankfully THIS morning Archer was content to lay in his boppy while I worked slowly and steadily around Logan’s fingernails.

Not too much later, Logan dozed off to sleep just in time for me to get to work on Archer.

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“The patient is prepped for surgery, Dr. Lovegren.”

Perhaps I am too cautious; there is nothing that ruins my day more than a hangnail.  Maybe babies don’t yet have the sensitivity in their fingertips for that to be a concern (who wants to fact-check and let me know?).

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She’s Earned a Slight Respite!

Still, until they are old enough to wield the Scissors of Doom themselves, this routine will be done with patience, meticulousness, and lots of internal stress for dad.

At least it is one less thing for my wife to have to do.

#DadWin

Do you have a task you always perform around the house or for the kids?  Let us know with a comment here or a reply on Twitter!

…is Taking Out the Trash

At least four times a day.

I need fellow parents to chime in on this one, particularly Angelenos – is it normal to have to visit the dumpster four times a day once you have children?!?

Ever since Archer & Logan came home, I feel like I can’t walk Rexford without there being a stack of trash waiting by the door.

Maybe it’s the convenience(necessity) of delivery & pre-prepared meals in the concrete utopia of LA?  Or perhaps the fact that instead of weekly trips to Target (like most parents?) we order daily items from Amazon?

Because God-forbid the activity saucer isn’t here tomorrow!

It doesn’t help that we have to clean the bunnies‘ litter boxes and cages every week. 

& diapers.  Always diapers.

I really shouldn’t complain; I can’t imagine working a full job, having the twin-feeding cycle, & having to create our own meals twenty-one times a week instead of simply visiting munchery.com.

Rosemary Salmon Quinoa Bowl, while you bottle-feed!

At the same time, I sometimes do miss life outside LA, where you can own a home, with a garage, & only have to put your trash out once a week on Tuesday nights…

Tuesday night, that reminds me!  I have to set out the boxes for Farm Fresh To You‘s overnight produce delivery tonight.

PS – at least this.

… is attending SoCal Baby Show!

Today was SoCal Baby Show in downtown Los Angeles, brought to us by Baby Bellies & Beyond, BuyBuy Baby, & Huggies… i think.

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Baby stole my look!

I’ll have some more in-depth posts on the event and the products there in the week ahead.  Wanted to get out some quick hits before feeding time tonight:

  • I have NEVER IN MY LIFE been asked to provide my OB-GYN, delivering physician, or income level when buying a ticket to an event.  These questions were REQUIRED fields, as well as some others that could only be answered “N-A” when answering as a man.  Very off-putting & tone-deaf first touch with the event.
  • I also saw ZERO publicity for this particular event in the blogosphere & social media.  In fact, I only heard about it because I emailed a specific brand a few weeks ago about where I could find their items, and they responded saying they would be in town for this show.
  • HIGH-Larious – with streets virtually empty, The Reef (name of building hosting the event) was still charging $20 flat for their parking lot.  We waved at the parking attendant and drove 200 more feet to a 6-hour parking meter which cost us $2 for the max time allowed.
  • In keeping with the weird nature of this particular event, it was hard to tell from signage who were the actual presenting sponsors (& what were the official hashtags for social media sharing).  It seemed like Munchkin Inc. had more people post with their hashtag #itsthelittlethings than @BabyBelliesTV, @BuyBuyBaby, & Huggies combined!
  • Our raffle tickets were #206 & #207 and we showed up an hour after general admission had started.
  • The floor seemed empty; we kept circling back and encountering the same individuals browsing.  While this would have bothered me as a vendor looking for dedicated ROI, it turned out to work in our favor.  In our two and a half hours on the floor we were able to connect with every vendor there which fit our profile and have meaningful discussions with the principals at each brand.  Look for some fun & deep insights on individual brands in upcoming blog posts.
  • My fellow blogger Joël & I had more fun at this Baby Show as attendees than we have at any past event, so ignore everything I said above!
  • I won this awesome Britax B-Ready Stroller!
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B-Ready with Britax and Baby Bellies & Beyond!

…is Being on Time

I’ve never been the best about being punctual.

As an artist & storyteller, I still have projects from the past decade that are incomplete.  My desk features about 270 business cards still waiting to be entered into my CRM.  I have yet to file my extension on my taxes & I have three fix-it tickets sitting in my car glove box from January (#beingagrownman).

I am blessed to be the rare Angeleno, er, Beverly Hill…ite?… who lives within five minutes of their work.  4 minutes 37 seconds, to be exact.  So when I am five minutes late to work it literally means I left at the time I was supposed to be there.

And I thought being a dad was going to make this punctuality issue somehow better?

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Logan (L) & Archer (R) – [I think]
Our boys spent 11 days in the NICU after arriving early at 34 1/2 weeks.  As rough of a time as that was, feeling separated from them, having to make time to see them, parking and walking half a mile it seemed from the Cedars parking lot to the tower with the NICU, it came with a hidden blessing: scheduling.  Our children came home on a strict 2:00/5:00/ 8:00/11:00 feeding schedule.  They were trained to sleep thru constant beeps, and after two months we are now finding that once a night they tend to sleep thru one of their feeds as well.

If only we could accurately predict which one that would be, we’d be in fantastic shape.

Yet this morning, this morning of all mornings, when I woke up at 7:40 AM and my first meeting wasn’t until 9:30, this morning when I walked the dog, took out the trash, peeled my own hard-boiled egg (#beingagrownman), this morning, once again, I was late.  Because, in just the past three days it seems, our sons started SMILING.

And I can’t get enough of it.

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“Don’t Drive Angry”

There I was, 9:20 AM, suit on, tie tied (Double Windsor! #beingagrownman), laptop and iPad and notepad in hand.  I took one last look at Archer lying in his boppy and saw his eyes were wide open.  I stopped in my tracks & said, in the closest thing I have to a sing-song voice, “Arrr-chhie!”

And my 9 week old son looked up at my face and smiled.

I instantly repeated the mantra, to an even wider grin.  My next 7 minutes were like the best version of Groundhog’s Day ever.

I pulled into the work parking garage at 9:32 AM.  My blessings compounded; my 9:30 meeting emailed me saying “stuck in traffic, five minutes late.”

Excuses are unacceptable, and being punctual is being a grown man.  This one time, being a father trumps all.  I will never forget those minutes I was late, making my son smile.