We’ve previously discussed the remarkable naturals weapons human children grow quickly in their infancy.
Thankfully, with time, patience, and the steady hand of a head of surgery, there is a solution to this problem.
The question is, what parent has a readily available supply of time, patience, and steadiness?
However, between the two of us (and the overwhelming amount of work my wife does for the boys), the task of “surgery” has fallen to me.
Fathers: nothing you have done or encountered can properly prepare you for the task of cutting your infant children’s fingernails.
For starters, there is a unique property to infant fingernail clippers – they are SHARP! Unlike the dull clunkers made for adults, each blade of infant clippers is fine enough to turn fingernails into the phyllo dough used to make baklava.
Contrast that with the infant’s fingernails – fine, paper-like white lines that blend in perfectly with their skin, despite being able to slice you like an envelope edge.
Add in the three cups of coffee required to even be cognizant at 8:15 AM after a night of bottle-fussiness, and you’ll WISH you’d spent 8 years in school preparing for this moment.
Now imagine having twins.
I can’t complain too much right now, because thankfully THIS morning Archer was content to lay in his boppy while I worked slowly and steadily around Logan’s fingernails.
Not too much later, Logan dozed off to sleep just in time for me to get to work on Archer.
Perhaps I am too cautious; there is nothing that ruins my day more than a hangnail. Maybe babies don’t yet have the sensitivity in their fingertips for that to be a concern (who wants to fact-check and let me know?).
Still, until they are old enough to wield the Scissors of Doom themselves, this routine will be done with patience, meticulousness, and lots of internal stress for dad.
At least it is one less thing for my wife to have to do.
Do you have a task you always perform around the house or for the kids? Let us know with a comment here or a reply on Twitter!